A friend from the Midwest offered to come to New Jersey. Her sole purpose was to teach my toddler to eat by herself when she heard I wouldn't let go of control of the spoon. I wanted to keep the cleanup to a minimum, you see. But I soon would learn that some messes wouldn't be so easy to avoid. After putting child safety locks on all the kitchen cabinets, I was a bit too trustful. I noticed a white cloud poofing its way through the kitchen door. The cabinets could still open just wide enough for a chubby baby arm to be inserted directly into an open bag of flour. Fistfuls of the delightful white stuff were being tossed skyward. Our future baker was at work. In "From Generation X to Generation Me", Huffpost blogger Rhiana Maidenberg, points to the pitfalls of parents protecting children (and themselves) from too many of life's messy moments. Like me, many parents have wanted to "control the spoon" to help their children avoid experiencing heartache (when they aren't invited to a popular kid's birthday party), frustration (when a task is still difficult to do after the fifth try), failure (when they tumble from a play structure) and disappointment (when someone else wins all the prizes). But over-protection can be a real handicap if kids miss out on opportunities to develop the ability to be alone, to take a stand, to express commitment and focus, patience and satisfaction, when things don't go their way. And what safer place is there to develop essential life skills, than in a loving, nurturing home environment? Rhianna listed certain things she intends to do to help her children grow up strong and independent. She plans to let them fight their own battles to learn problem-solving; to not be the parent who insists her child be invited to all birthday parties, to teach them to cope with disappointment; and to let her children experience failure because one doesn't win at everything all the time. Sounds like a good strategy to me. But we all know know that fixing a game plan is one thing. Balancing consistent follow-through with the flexiblity necessary to respond to individual situations appropriately, can be something else entirely. Here's my tip for parents who would like to see each family member reach his full potential: Pray DAILY for yourself and your child. I know. You are thinking, "That is a no-brainer tip, considering the focus of this blog. Of course she would say that." But seriously, DO IT. It can make the difference between trying hard and getting nowhere as a parent, and trying hard and seeing the results of your love and consideration pay off in healthy, confident and responsible kids. It is no coincidence that Christ Jesus starts off the Lord's Prayer with "Our Father which art in heaven." Jesus was raised in an environment where his individual potential was recognized and nurtured, but also where the parents understood that he had the same Father as they. Uniting under the influence of "Our Father", no one gets short-changed in the "needs met" department. Our Father helps move parents and children from the Generation ME to the Generation WE of God, Good guarding, guarding and prospering each one of us. No one has quick and easy answers as to what is best for your children, not even you as their parent. But, their divine Father, who knows them best (and knows you best) does. Regular daily check-ins with the Father yields saner parents and healthier children. Having tried it both ways, parenting without prayer and then discovering the difference in parenting through prayer, I speak from experience. Don't stay on the dark side. Pray for your kids, pray for yourself. And watch the creative, insightful and productive ways God brings out to successfully raise up both you and the kids! If you wish to subscribe to this daily blog, simply scroll up and submit your email above in the sidebar.
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S
2/21/2012 06:53:52 am
yes. when we were planning for our children we found a baby book that gave a lot of practical advice and two years in, we wished that we had not left it unread on the shelf.. the very same thing is true for daily prayer for the parent and your child - it releases you from the grip of control issues, puts you on the path to effectively protect them and you from harm, and helps you and them make better choices. Don't leave the book of prayer unread (or unprayed) on the shelf -- you always have the time to seek your Father/Mother's will/purpose through prayer, no matter how full your life becomes. 2/21/2012 06:59:31 am
Right on, S. Prayer can even lead one to the best books if that is what is needed! Thanks for your comment.
marylyn ponder
2/21/2012 08:17:43 am
I love the idea of the We generation. To me it means all of us finding our oneship with the Holy One. 2/21/2012 08:21:45 am
That's so good, Marylyn! I think Generation We is a good term for the generation of Good, and it thus applies to all generations, instead of being simply the next in a line of stereotypes. I think your definition supports that idea.
Tamara
2/21/2012 08:55:51 am
The idea of Generation We made me think that what you wrote is true not only for the relationship between parents and children, but also for the relation between adult children and their parents. It is important to reverse the belief that older people are not able to control their own lives and need to be controlled by younger people: in different ways God is in control of every aspec of life of all generations. 2/21/2012 09:08:53 am
Yes! Good insight! Really it applies to any relationship between adults, as well. Finding the right sense of balance between encouragement and letting a spouse or friend find their way. Praying daily for ourselves and our mate, etc. But not praying to personally control and not praying to ask God to bend someone to our will, but praying to let the fullness of God be reflected in his child and to be a willing witness.
Kevin
2/21/2012 10:08:24 am
This is a timely post, given recent reports of "helicopter parents" and the age of narcissism. I like the idea of balance. I reaped some unfortunate circumstances of my dad's parenting philosophy, which was to give kids very little guidance (with the exception of appropriate social behavior etc), and to let them figure out life on their own, the way he did. 2/21/2012 10:13:53 am
That's a great way to put it, Kevin - "God is parenting my parenting". I think I will go tweet that. You might, too! ;)
Peter
2/21/2012 08:45:57 pm
Thank you! The idea of balance - natural and complete...great insights 2/22/2012 12:34:04 am
You are welcome! Thanks for reading and for speaking up!
Kay
2/22/2012 09:43:34 am
Ahhh - I remember trying to hang on to the spoon! My children are grown with children of their own and, sometimes even now, I have to remind myself to let it go! Knowing our Parent is on the field... Comments are closed.
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Find me on YouTube I have practiced Christian Science professionally in some form since 1979. But my journey with Christian Science started in a Sunday school where as a young child I was taught the Scriptures and some simple basics of Jesus' method of scientific Christian healing. A significant experience at the age of twelve opened my eyes to the great potential of this practice. After impaling my foot on a nail, I prayed the way I had learned in Sunday school. Within moments the pain stopped and healing began. By the next morning the wound had disappeared completely. Having experienced the great potential of Christian Science, there would be no turning back. |
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© 2011-2024 Michelle Boccanfuso Nanouche, CSB. All rights reserved. Privacy Policy. Site updated November 25, 2024